Yesterday my daughter again asked why I didn’t do something useful with my time. Her favorite topic of conversation seems to be talking about my “doing something useful.”

She said she was “only thinking of me” and suggested I go down to the senior center and hang out with the guys.

I did this and when I got home last night I decided to teach her a lesson about staying out of my business. I told her that I had joined a parachute club.

She said, “Are you nuts? You ‘re almost 82 years old and you’re going to start jumping out of airplanes?” I proudly showed her that I even got a membership card.

She said to me, “Good grief, where are your glasses! This is a membership to a Prostitute Club, not a Parachute Club.”

“I’m in trouble again, and I don’t know what to do . . . I signed up for five jumps a week.” I told her.

She fainted.

Life as a senior citizen isn’t getting any easier but sometimes it can be fun.

[An oldie goldie, please pardon
us if you’ve already heard it]  

An elderly couple, who were both widowed, had been going out with each other for a long time.  Urged on by their friends, they decided it was finally time to get married.

Before the wedding, they went out to dinner and had a long conversation regarding how their marriage might work.  They discussed finances, living arrangements and so on.  Finally, the old gentleman decided it was time to broach the subject of their physical relationship.

“How do you feel about sex?,” he asked.

“I would like it infrequently,” she replied.

The old gentleman sat quietly for a moment, leaned over towards her and asked, “Is that one word or two?”

A recent article in the Kentucky Post reported that a woman, Anne Maynard, has sued St. Luke’s hospital, saying that after her husband was treated there recently, he had lost all interest in sex.

A hospital spokesman replied, “Mr. Maynard was actually admitted in Ophthalmology — all we did was correct his eyesight.”