6 Secrets to Longevity
March 26, 2013 Leave a Comment
A doctor on his morning walk, noticed the old lady pictured above.
She was sitting on her front step smoking a cigar, so he walked up to her and said, “I couldn’t help but notice how happy you look! What is your secret?” [Read more…]
Burned-Out Headlights —— a Survey
March 7, 2013 Leave a Comment
For a couple of years, for some reason, I’ve been noticing burned out headlights. It seemed like headlights were burned out a lot, and usually the drivers side (left in US). Another “Dull Club” friend of mine suggested doing a survey to see what the “truth” really was. [Read more…]
Tiffany’s — embarrassing incicent
February 24, 2013 Leave a Comment
A LADY WALKS INTO TIFFANY’S. SHE LOOKS AROUND, SPOTS A BEAUTIFUL DIAMOND BRACELET AND WALKS OVER TO INSPECT IT.
AS SHE BENDS OVER TO LOOK MORE CLOSELY, SHE UNEXPECTEDLY FARTS.
VERY EMBARRASSED, SHE LOOKS AROUND NERVOUSLY TO SEE IF ANYONE NOTICED HER LITTLE WOOPS AND PRAYS THAT A SALESPERSON WAS NOT ANYWHERE NEAR.
AS SHE TURNS AROUND, HER WORST NIGHTMARE MATERIALIZES IN THE FORM OF A SALESMAN STANDING RIGHT BEHIND HER…GOOD LOOKING AS WELL . . . COOL AS A CUCUMBER, HE DISPLAYS ALL OF THE QUALITIES ONE WOULD EXPECT OF A PROFESSIONAL IN A STORE LIKE TIFFANY’S. HE POLITELY GREETS THE LADY WITH, “GOOD DAY, MADAM ..HOW MAY WE HELP YOU TODAY?”
BLUSHING AND UNCOMFORTABLE, BUT STILL HOPING THAT THE SALESMAN SOMEHOW MISSED HER LITTLE INCIDENT SHE ASKS, “SIR, WHAT IS THE PRICE OF THIS LOVELY BRACELET?”
HE ANSWERS, “MADAM . . . IF YOU FARTED JUST LOOKING AT IT . . . YOU’RE GOING TO SHIT WHEN I TELL YOU THE PRICE.
Benefit of aging — suicide attempt fails
February 24, 2013 Leave a Comment
Ageing Aunt Mildred was a 93-year-old woman who was particularly despondent over the recent death of her husband. She decided that she would just kill herself and join him in death.
Thinking that it would be best to get it over with quickly, she took out his old Army pistol and made the decision to shoot herself in the heart, since it was badly broken in the first place.
Not wanting to miss the vital organ and become a vegetable and a burden to someone, she called her doctor’s office to inquire as to just exactly where the heart would be on a woman.
The doctor said, “Your heart would be just below your left breast.”
Later that night Mildred was admitted to the hospital with a gunshot would to her left knee.
16 men’s views about marriage
February 23, 2013 Leave a Comment
The great question, which I have not been able to answer, . . . is,
“What does a woman want?”
Dumas
By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you’ll be happy.
If you get a bad one, you’ll become a philosopher.
Socrates
I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me.
Sigmund Freud
Adventures in English Cuisine — Giddyup Burgers
February 17, 2013 Leave a Comment
From Findus Press Office:
New source of recipes:
Giddyup Burgers:
Heard on BBC 4:
Sign in a café window in Leeds: “Burger, Cup of Tea, and a Kindly Word — £1”An elderly lady walks in and orders the burger and tea and when served asks “and what about the kindly word”The waitress replies ” If I were you, I wouldn’t touch that burger”
Dyson Airblade Hand Dryer — problem and solution
February 16, 2013 Leave a Comment
The Dyson Airblade is rapidly becoming the Boeing 787 of hand dryers.
Fortunately the owner of this one was able to find an alternative method of use:
Thanks to Chris Ormston from the Group for People Who Appreciate Quality Hand-Dryers, a very active and informative appreciation society.
