New to texting – not the best outcome

wife texting

An elderly couple had just learned how to send text messages on their mobile phones. The wife was a romantic type and the husband was more of a no-nonsense guy.

One afternoon the wife went out to meet a friend for coffee. She decided to send her husband a romantic text message. She wrote:

“If you are sleeping, send me your dreams.”

“If you are laughing, send me your smile.”

“If you are eating, send me a bite. If you are drinking, send me a sip.”

“If you are crying, send me your tears.”

“I love you.”

The husband texted back to her:

“I’m on the toilet — would you like to reconsider?”

husband texting back

Man with no enemies

All golfers should live so long as to be this kind of old man!

Toward the end of the Sunday service, the Minister asked, “How many of you have forgiven your enemies?”
80% held up their hands.

The Minister then repeated his question. All responded this time, except one man, Walter Barnes, who attended church only when the weather was bad.

“Mr. Barnes, it’s obviously not a good morning for golf. It’s good to see you here today. Are you not willing to forgive your enemies?”
“I don’t have any,” he replied gruffly.

“Mr. Barnes, that is very unusual. How old are you?”

“Ninety-eight,” he replied. The congregation stood up and clapped their hands.

“Oh, Mr. Barnes, would you please come down in front and tell us all how a person can live ninety-eight years and not have an enemy in the world?”

The old golfer tottered down the aisle, stopped in front of the pulpit, turned around, faced the congregation, and said simply, “I outlived all them assholes,” and calmly returned to his seat.

What’s for dinner?

 

 

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The Deaf Wife!

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An elderly man decided his wife was getting hard of hearing. 

So he called her doctor to make an appointment

 to have her hearing checked.

 

old couple

The Doctor said he could see her in two weeks, but meanwhile,  

there’s a simple, informal test the husband could do to 

give the doctor some idea of the dimensions of the problem.

“Here’s what you do. Start about 40 feet away from her, 

and speak in a normal conversational tone and see if she hears you. 

If not, go to 30 feet, then 20 feet, and so on until you get a response.”

 

old lady  animation

So that evening she’s in the kitchen cooking dinner, 

 and he’s in the living room, and he says to himself,

 

old lady  animation

 

“I’m about 40 feet away,

 let’s see what happens.” 

 “Honey, what’s for dinner?” 

He calls.

No response.

 

 elderly man animation

So he moves to the other end of the room,

 about 30 feet away.

 “Honey, what’s for dinner?”

No response.

 

old man  animation

So he moves into the dining room,

about 20 feet away.

 “Honey, what’s for dinner?”

No response.

 

old man  animation

On to the kitchen door,

only 10 feet away.

“Honey, what’s for dinner?”.

No response.

 

elderly man  animation

So he walks right up behind

 her and screams.

“HONEY, what’s for

dinner??!?!”

 

His wife turns to him a rage.

 

old lady dancing  animation

“I told you, CHICKEN!

 For the FIFTH TIME,

it’s CHICKEN!!!”

 

 

Blessings to You & Family

 

Christine

 

 
 
 

   animation 

nb Listen to the beautiful audio attachment

“Down Memory Lane” 

 

 

 

 

 

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The bitter taste of poor quality linger long after the sweet taste

of a low price is forgotten

 

“Conservative” describes how many seniors dress – but not all:

Pope all gussied up

Good news: 20 extra years added to our lives. Bad news:

Addtional 20 years PastedGraphic-1

Zebra crossing (in U.K.) crosswalk (in U.S.) that makes sense

Zebra corssing that makes sense

Street graffiti with a nice sense of humor

Street Graffiti with nice sense of humor

Don’t worry about Alzheimer’s

Senility

“Don’t worry about Alzheimer’s.”

“When you get there, you won’t know it.”

We think this came from Bill Cosby.

 

“How to use a paper towel” — a TED talk

Joe Smith paper towel 2

Informative and amusing — TED talk about how to save paper towels by using only one. Joe Smith enthusiastically demonstrates how this is done by first shaking hands 12 times and then using only one towel — after having folding the towel properly.

Joe says his method, if used by everyone, would save over 12 billions pounds of paper every year.

Comments on the talk:

• Joe Smith is hilarious! I love his funny way of teaching us how to do simple things like using paper towels.

• Clap instead of shake. Clapping is good for your health. It stimulates circulation.

• I do it the French way — wipe hands on apron or trousers.

• Shake your hands and walk out — it’s only water, why do they need to be perfectly dry?