This one’s a real gas

SB. Old Fart

Dear Times,

Now I know why we’re sometimes called “Old Farts.”

I was in a Starbucks Coffee recently when my stomach started rumbling and I realized that I desperately needed to pass some gas.

The place was packed. The music was very loud. To get relief and reduce embarrassment, I timed my farts to the beat of the music.

After a couple of songs I started to feel much better.

I finished my coffee and noticed that everyone was staring at me.

That was when I suddenly remembered that I was listening to my IPod.

Using newfangled technology can be dangerous as we get on.

From an anonymous OF

How to live past 90, good news: caffeine, booze, extra weight can help, so can exercise

SB. CBS over 90

cbsnews.com/videos/living-past-90-caffeine-alcohol-and-extra-weight-may-be-good-for-you/

SB waking up and nothing hurts

https://www.seniorslaughing.com/1058/

Live Longer & Better: 10 question quiz in Parade Magazine

S Live Longer Parade Mag

What’s the best way to motivate yourself to be physically active after age 40?

[a]  Join a gym

[b]  Adopt a dog

[d]  Cut out a photo of first lady Michelle Obama’s bicepts

[d]  Hire a personal trainer

Click here for the anwer to this question as well as nine other questions about your health:  http://www.parade.com/news/quiz2/live-longer-better-quiz.html

April 1 in X-ray lab

April 1 ashes

 

6 Secrets to Longevity

Longevity

A doctor on his morning walk, noticed the old lady pictured above.

She was sitting on her front step smoking a cigar, so he walked up to her and said, “I couldn’t help but notice how happy you look! What is your secret?” [Read more…]

Fast absorbing vitamins —— why fast? —— because they’re liquid

Passion 4 Life

•  Provides lots of energy

•  Nicer to use than hard-to-swallow pills

•  Tastes good

•  Many testimonials, including Regis Philbin

Sickeningly high hospital & medical costs — laid bare in “Time”

brill.pill9.inddClick here to read this gigantic article in Time

Or go out right now and buy this week’s Time.

The author, Steven Brill, was interviewed recently on NPR — click here

Benefit of aging — suicide attempt fails

A&E

Ageing Aunt Mildred was a 93-year-old woman who was particularly despondent over the recent death of her husband. She decided that she would just kill herself and join him in death.

Thinking that it would be best to get it over with quickly, she took out his old Army pistol and made the decision to shoot herself in the heart, since it was badly broken in the first place.

Not wanting to miss the vital organ and become a vegetable and a burden to someone, she called her doctor’s office to inquire as to just exactly where the heart would be on a woman.

The doctor said, “Your heart would be just below your left breast.”

Later that night Mildred was admitted to the hospital with a gunshot would to her left knee.

Emergency Room

Adventures in English Cuisine — Giddyup Burgers

From Findus Press Office:

New source of recipes:
1702-MATT-ST-PORTA_2483364a
Giddyup Burgers:
Horse at Tesco
Horse's cuts
Horsemeat at a butchers in France
Heard on BBC 4:
Sign in a café window in Leeds: “Burger, Cup of Tea, and a Kindly Word — £1”
 
An elderly lady walks in and orders the burger and tea and when served asks “and what about the kindly word”
 
The waitress replies ” If I were you, I wouldn’t touch that burger”